1. One time, following sex, a girl he was with asked him to pee on her. He did it. "Don't worry," he said. "I didn't enjoy it." This came up during a discussion about politics. He was trying to explain that despite his fiscal conservatism, he's quite socially liberal. For example, he gives golden showers on request. Apparently he believes that we liberals urinate on people and then bring it up in first dates over charcuterie plates and vodka sodas.
2. He's had "4 or 5" threesomes. Some with two girls. Some with two guys. I make no judgments on people's sexual proclivities, but this really should have been information I learned about way later on.... like around never.
3. He watches porn 5 times a week. Porn somehow came up in conversation and I asked him if he watches a lot of it. (I had a sneaking suspicion that he did. Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised if he told me that he had been the pizza delivery man in "Sexxxy Bimbos II: Sexier and Bimboier") He replied that "'a lot' is a relative term" and tried to downplay this by explaining that "It's not like I watch 2 hours of porn 5 times a week. It's more like 5-10 minutes each time I watch it." Again, how people get their rocks off is none of my business (unless I'm somehow involved). But 5 times a week??? This man clearly makes his sexual gratification a priority. I can't find time to do anything 5 times a week. And if 5 times a week is not a lot of porn watching, what, exactly, is a lot of porn watching? Do you have to watch it at work for it to qualify? Do you have to have the soundtrack for "Nailin' Palin" on your iPod? I'm very confused.
(As an aside, he said that one day this week when he would normally have watched porn, he instead browsed through my Facebook photos to get the same . . . effect. After the initial holding back of vomit, I became strangely flattered by it. Take that as you will.)
4. He doesn't like cucumbers. This is totally absurd. Who doesn't like cucumbers? Seriously?
So, yeah. We're hanging out this weekend. I'm bringing the rubber sheets.
I listen to Nailin' Palin on my ipod when I run. It energizes me. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe not liking cucumber thing is a huge RED FLAG. FYI.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he just had a bad experience with a cucumber one time. I was going to elaborate on that, but since I cannot post anonymously, I won't. Also, don't you think that someone will be able to figure out who you are by the names of the people who post on here? At least for the first couple of weeks until you have thousands of readers?
ReplyDelete